Becoming the person you are meant to be.

Lately I’ve been feeling stuck.

In the months following my yoga teacher certification, I’ve watched as fellow classmates have gone on to teach yoga classes in various studios, and I’ve seen the other half—me included—settle into the ebb and flow of their personal practice.

It’s not that I don’t want to teach yoga.

But I’m aware that teaching intense hot vinyasa classes at a studio filled with people half my age, doesn’t feel like the right decision. I’m looking for my sweet spot. And while I haven’t yet discovered the yoga audience that’s meant for me, my gut tells me it’s out there somewhere.

Or maybe not.

This is the interesting place I’ve found myself these last several months. While there’s nothing noticeable from my outside, lately my life as felt like that of a sleeping caterpillar, hunkered down and living with the unsettled feeling of ‘not knowing’ what exactly is next.

One thing I didn’t plan on was how powerful it would feel to venture outside my comfort zone. Getting through that teacher training was the equivalent of plopping myself into a maze of my insecurities and making me find my way out. And it’s left me with taste for more of the same; more growing and testing out new waters.

This is the truth about stretching yourself into new places, you can never truly go back.

And it’s a mindset that’s left me grappling with deeper questions about my future.  

Am I living my life to the fullest?

And more specifically,

Is there something I should be doing that can add value to the lives of others?

Yes. That’s really it.

I guess I’m talking about a sense of purpose, my reason for being here.

For a mother of a 24 year old and 21 year old it’s not a surprising question, in fact it might even seem timely. But now that I’ve floated the question out there, the empty silence has left me feeling fidgety. Curious and open. It’s like waiting for someone to arrive at your door, only you don’t when exactly they’re coming.

Then a few weeks ago I had this experience.

I found myself sitting at a conference table inside a towering glass building, answering questions about my past lives. It was an interview, and the questioner was curious about the years I worked as an eating disorder therapist, my recent yoga training, and about my blog, where I get to express some of my creative side.

The simple act of sitting with an interested person and scanning over my life felt powerful; and afterwards I instantly wanted to ask everyone in my vicinity this one question.

When was the last time you paused and examined the different phases of your life? 

Because this is what I realized; the act of weaving together your life experiences will tell a story about how you shared your strengths and beliefs and gifts with the world. Only most of us never really stop and realize this is what we’re doing when we’re making choices.

That afternoon at the conference table stopped me in my tracks. At a time when I had felt like I was losing my mojo... and meandering through my life---it focused me back on my natural interests and personal qualities that have led me toward the kind of work I’ve done over the years.

Without realizing it, it gave me a better sense of direction about my next step.

Have you ever felt yourself walking around with a quiet desire to grow, but not exactly sure where this will lead you?

Or maybe you didn’t plan on facing a lot of new growth and experiences, maybe you’ve been thrust forward by a painful loss or a difficult transition that has stretched you without your permission. Perhaps you're in the midst of an ordeal that's left you pondering your immediate future.

 Think about this. There are pieces of your truest self to be found in every big, meaty life decision you have made. No matter the circumstances, no matter the eventual decision you made, they tell a story about who you were at that moment in your life. And most important, you can learn something about who you are right now.

 When you step back and examine your personal story for insight, when you remember where you have come from, it becomes easier to identify the unique gifts and experiences you carry around with you everyday.

Be in touch with your value.

That my friends, is empowering.

Part 2: the exciting thing that happened when I leaned into my struggle instead of away.

Please let me know if you can relate to this post.

I love hearing your thoughts.

Namaste,
(the teacher in me honors the teacher in you)

xo

Leslie

I'm sharing this post here:
Feathered Nest Friday