It started off as a great idea.
31 days of blogging during the month of October, of churning out creative posts, improving my writing speed, and heck, maybe gaining a few more followers.
But I’m learning something about myself …or maybe I should say that I’m being reminded of what I already know about Me.
And it’s this.
I operate in Life by my gut reaction to things; I’d describe it as having an emotional thermometer that resides in my heart and lets me know when things don’t ‘feel right.’ And I don’t spend a lot of time second guessing these kinds of feelings. I honor them because I don’t think relying on our deepest emotions is ‘irrational’ or being ‘led by one’s emotions’ one bit.
I believe this is how we stay in touch with ourselves, how we determine what matters to us at our core.
So today, on Day 21 of October I thought I’d share some red, flashing feelings I’ve been experiencing lately in case you can relate.
When I put this discomfort into words here’s what I’m hearing.
Blogging everyday means I have to make a choice. (Duh. But there’s a difference between ‘knowing’ something intellectually and knowing it on an emotional level)
Today I’m aware on a gut level that choosing longer, more extensive computer time means that something has to give, and it’s my relationships.
I’m seeing that I don’t have the spontaneous chance to phone a friend. Or visit a blogger that has so graciously left a comment for me. Or that I just want to check in with. In fact, here’s a recent example when I chose to ‘fail’ at my 31 day blog commitment.
Let’s see. Having our first official beach bonfire or getting a post done?
(You can see what I chose)
Although, because I’m one of those annoyingly conscientious people I actually felt conflict over making this choice. And that’s my observation today.
It’s that I feel more ‘pressed’ for time. It’s observing that yes, I’ve got lots of material -- photos and ideas—to be shared on my blog, but getting it published daily means sacrificing meaningful moments in my real life.
And this part doesn’t feel good.
I realize its a question we all face daily in our lives. Defining our priorities is always about saying yes to one thing and no to another. For me it’s blogging more, for you it’s something else.
When it comes to my 31 day blogging commitment (that I announced with so much enthusiasm)… the question is not whether there are benefits to me—I love expressing my creative side, feeling more productive, seeing my traffic go up, etc…
The question is whether I’m ok with the costs of these positive outcomes.
I remember feeling this way when my boys were little. The choices were always there, get my nails done and go shopping for something new to wear to dinner, or slather black paint all over refrigerator boxes for our Halloween haunted maze. Somehow I could never manage it all and so I ended up choosing the memory making stuff.
But not always without angst. “Why can’t I ever find time to get my nails done!” I’d complain on our way to a special occasion. But the truth is, I did have the time, I know that now. I just chose differently.
And now that I’m through that part of my life—when the kids were little—I realize that my priorities worked for me.
In the end, isn’t this what we all hope for? When it matters, we make the choices that are right for us.
Really. We’re all just doing the best we can. But I think that figuring out our priorities and living our lives accordingly means that of course we will ‘fail’ at some things. In fact, choosing to fail at certain endeavors may be the absolute right choice at the moment.
But at least when we fail, they will be the things that matter less in the end…
to our deeper selves.
Tell me, can you relate to this post?
p.s. I may or may not be back tomorrow.
Even though I can’t wait to show you how to create my Fall Tablescape,
I’m still trying to get my Halloween entry decorated, and Kirsten and John are coming to town which is so exciting!
So until next time… trust those gut reactions.