What happens when you have something big to share?
Are you someone who immediately shares it?
Or do you prefer to act more slowly, dripping your information out carefully until you can put your arms around the whole idea? Maybe your answer depends on whether it’s considered good news or bad news or whether it affects those closest to you.
Well today I’m finally writing this post after starting and stopping more than a few times. The truth is, I’m the kind of person who has to ‘feel’ my way through things, even when I’m fine with my decision, I still like to quietly sift through my thoughts and let my feelings do what they may.
At my age I’ve learned that when it comes to our emotional lives, we’re all like those bobbing icebergs in the ocean; at first glance it’s easy to assume we’re seeing it all… when in reality ninety percent of our substance lies beneath the surface. I like this analogy, it helps me stay honest with myself.
The other reason I’ve been slow to write this post is because I’ve had my parents to think about; I wanted to make sure they had time to get comfortable before I ran around spreading the news. And now that they’re in a good place I feel utterly relieved.
So here it is, our big news:
Yep. After twenty one years living in Sacramento, California and raising our boys in the same home we’re moving 420 miles away to Huntington Beach, California.
They say timing is everything and in our case it’s so true.
When we moved Michael to college in August we talked and joked about what our new life would be like. I think the empty nest experience is like that, it’s a chance to step back and take a deep breath as a couple. To check in with each other and ask important questions. To shine the light back on your little twosome again and revisit some old dreams.
I even made a list of new experiences we would do. Dance lessons, photography class, writing projects, travel spots…
I think we both felt it; after Michael had been gone for a while there was this exhilarating energy that began to poke its head out, a sense of openness about our future that made me glance at a magazine headline that read, “The art of starting over,” and think, ‘yeah, I like that idea.
But never, ever did we plan on relocating.
And then a simple conversation changed everything. An offer was made to Mr. Moss, a job transfer to Southern California that presented him with some wonderful possibilities in a place where we once lived before our children were born, a place where we both have warm, gushing memories of our beginning.
This offer led us on a week-long visit to So Cal where we explored neighborhoods and toyed with the huge possibility of leaving our family home for real. Moving away from my family and especially my parents. Leaving my dearest friends whom we’ve raised our kids with, forged bonds with and a community that holds our most precious memories.
Starting all over in a totally new city was no small decision. But in the end, it was all about our future and it was about making life easier for Mr. Moss and for these reasons the decision feels absolutely right.
Frankly, it’s bit surreal; even though I was once a girl who threw caution to the wind and took off to another city in pursuit of love, I feel light years away from that girl. Time molds us in the shape of our priorities and my priorities were simple, my family. I found happiness in creating a warm, secure life for our boys, however raising kids with a sense of stability means a whole lot of sameness. And over the years I’ve become quite the contented homebody.
I’m not exaggerating.
I’m a terrible traveler. After a few days of vacation, I actually crave my own bed. My dream trip to Europe would be perfect if I after all that gorgeous sightseeing, I could make it home to sleep at night.
See what I mean? This move is going to be interesting.
Although I will admit that I can sense something that hasn’t been part of my life in awhile, and it’s the feeling of risk-taking.
It’s me and Mr. Moss again.
And the big unknown is suddenly in front of us much like it was twenty five years ago when we were newlyweds.
Life has suddenly become one big question mark. Our house is being readied for sale. Our next home and neighborhood is clouded in uncertainty. I’m looking at the prospect of a new city with strange street names and no possibility of running into a single, familiar face.
And the strangest thing is, I’m doing fine with it all.. I’m hunkered down in the traveler’s seat next to a man who just might be the kindest, funniest, and most comforting person to go through life with, and it’s ok. I feel blessed for this guy. And for my boys who are so positive.
And even though I know this decision will include its ups and downs and a range of excitement and sadness, at least at this moment everything is good.
At this moment …I choose gratitude.
I would love to hear your thoughts….