Were you one of those people that began this new year feeling energized about your list of positive resolutions?
In case you don’t know, I wrote THIS post about tackling my passion project this year along with some other positive habits I wanted to work on, and today I thought I’d take a moment to examine why it is I haven’t been able to make much progress on the one project that means so much to me.
Do you have something on your bucket list that’s been tugging at your heart?
Well here is mine.
This is one of the baskets I have that are loaded with material from my past life when I was a therapist working with (mostly) eating disordered women. Changing homes has helped me find them again. And frankly I couldn’t believe how many overflowing files and old notebooks I’ve been carrying around in boxes all these years. But for a good reason. These are remnants of a clinical world that represent an important part of my life; it was the kind of work that transformed me from the inside out.
Do you ever wonder why you save certain items? Keeping this paper trail is probably a lot like the shoebox of your parents’ old letters or the little locked diaries you still have, you keep them because they tell a story that matters to you, like a thread pulling together pieces of who you once were.
Well this was the year I wanted to prioritize this writing project, turn this paper collection into a single story, maybe one my kids can read someday. And I planned to launch it with the passion project I had read about HERE.
But so far I haven’t begun my daily ninety minute writing blocks yet.
Can you relate?
Have you ever found yourself “stuck” before you even started something new?
For me, the first step in understanding my lack of progress –involves looking inward. Slowing down and listening to my feelings. Asking myself, “Do I really want to do this?” Because my days are certainly full, and I’m finding time to get other things done.
It is true I’ve been sick for the last two weeks and only now, am I beginning to feel like my old self. Which explains the feelings of restlessness I’ve been having. I’m used to having an abundance of energy and it hasn’t been there. And writing my New Year’s post was like holding my feet to the fire, making me acutely aware of each busy day that I’m not getting around to my writing project.
But do you know one thing I’ve learned? That often the clues to whether our lives are out of balance are the feelings of frustration or restlessness we begin to notice when we slow down.
being honest about our priorities
I heard someone say once that we’re always doing what we want. And the minute we acknowledge this we can get around to making different choices. It’s true that I keep getting distracted by our house projects. But the truth is, I’m not good writing amid chaos and ugliness which is what it’s often like in a fixer upper. So I tend to use my free time tackling those DIY jobs that give me the immediate sensation of progress. And I’ll be honest, it’s a creative process that I love.
Although I realize it’s all about finding that right balance.
And I need to grow. I need to change my mindset that says, “I’ll reward myself with my writing project just as soon as this one other thing gets done.” Or, “I’ll feel better when this is done (bathroom ceiling is painted) because even though it’s true, and I do feel momentarily good, there’s always something else that needs to be done right after.
This is Life in our new home. And it’s the life of a creative, there’s always something I see that I want to transform.
the head trip of Perfection
Which leaves me with the choice. How badly do I want to write? It’s that simple.
If I want to tackle my writing project I’m going to have to make peace with imperfection. That yucky feeling of being surrounded with lots of half finished paint jobs and rooms that need major work. I’m going to have to wait. Live with it. Get comfortable with that messy, unfinished sensation that’s part of being in a fixer upper.
Waiting for everything to be “just right” before I start my writing project means I’ll be waiting a long time.
How about you?
Is there something you’ve been “waiting” to do?
Let’s make this year the one where anything’s possible.
Can you relate to this post?
sharing this post with Grace at Home